For those who aren’t already aware, my husband had a leg amputated, then spent a couple months in various rehab nursing homes, esp. as his remaining leg also needed some minor surgery, and has had wounds that are slowly healing, with the help of a leg vac.
We’ve been trying to simplify the day’s onerous demands on me, and have made some progress, but not nearly enough, for someone my age, with a heart condition and adrenal insufficiency.
Doing absolutely everything for an invalid is exhausting. Doing absolutely everything with a limited amount of energy means an unhealthily elevated HR and an inability to fall asleep, despite being well medicated. 8.28 weeks in and I’ve had it. I’m ready to book a flight to somewhere beautiful and chill.
I’ve seen mention of resources for caregivers to manage their time and deal with feelings of guilt. Ha. I don’t believe in guilt – I’m just fed up with being exhausted from having to be on-demand from the moment I wake until I go to bed, trying to squeeze my basic needs into the time available.
It’ll be another 2 weeks before he sees the vascular dr., and *hopefully* gets the stump shaper, so he can *eventually* get fitted with a prosthetic leg.
They give no timeline for this process – it goes on as long as it needs to, but *I* need a timeline. I need to know when I can get some semblance of my life back. In lieu of that, they can hurry up and get us an aide to take over the morning duties, as there’s way too much to do in the mornings, before I have the energy to do it.
This wouldn’t be such a burden if he could just sleep closer to the time I get up (which is already earlier than I used to get up), but no, he’s awake up to 2 hrs earlier than me, so, delaying all the fetching and doing can’t wait.
I don’t like to gripe – it solves nothing – so, this is more for me than the few who might be reading this. Sometimes I just need to say it or write it, to get it out of my body, even if it does still hang around in my psyche.
I should have some knitting pattern related news to relate the next time I post!
Onward,
Dawn
Don't ever feel bad about venting! it's healthy and necessary for your sanity and you are managing amazingly well.
ReplyDeleteWhen my SO was recuperating from a massive stroke 26 (almost) years ago, it was all I could do to manage the weekends after he was home. We were lucky enough to have full-time home care (insurance paid for it) for him during the day so I could escape to the office and my "real" work - I couldn't have managed that year otherwise.
Thank you for your support, Diann, and for understanding! We've managed to tweak the routine a bit more, so, at least I now have some time to knit on designs.
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